Felger, Mazz Married In Intimate Ceremony?

In a surprising move, sports media personalities Michael Felger and Tony Massarotti were married on Cape Cod yesterday afternoon. The co-hosts of 98.5 The Sports Hub’s “Felger and Mazz” got hitched at the Holy Redeemer Church in Chatham, Mass. during a clear, mild spring day.

Both grooms wore white tuxedos.

During the vows – which each groom wrote – Felger announced, “Tony, you march to the beat of your own drummer. You strike out on your own. You carve out your own niche and create your own path. You are not a company man.”

To which Mazz responded, “Yeah, Mike. You’re absolutely right,” and started crying.

In what most onlookers described as another surprise, New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick was invited to the ceremony.

“We never thought he’d be here, frankly,” Felger said afterward. “The invitation we sent to him was clearly a joke. I mean, get a clue, right?”

Belichick made a brief statement after the banquet festivities. “It’s just great to be here, great to be celebrating this moment with the guys. I really don’t have much more to say. I didn’t do much. I didn’t write the vows; I didn’t present the rings; I didn’t pick out the flowers. Beautiful flowers, by the way. But, again, it’s great to be here, to be a part of this event. Nice ceremony, nice music. Loved that cake, too.”

Sal Paolantonio of ESPN asked if Belichick knew what kind of cake it was, who baked it,  and if it had been properly prepared for the wedding.

“I just don’t know anything about that,” Belichick said. “That’s not for me to say. Not my cake. I’m not a baker. I’m sure you’ll get an update around the same time we do.”

Mike Reiss of ESPNBoston.com followed up by asking about some of the better cakes Belichick might remember from past years.

“I’ll tell you, Mike, some great cakes in Cleveland. They know how to bake out there. New York – that New York cheesecake – I mean, that’s not bad. They’re famous for that. But here, in the New England area – Vermont, probably New Hampshire, anywhere with a lot of those dairy farms – some great cakes, too. Can’t discount New England and what they’re able to do with cakes. Put some of that fresh buttercream frosting on there, you’re good to go.”

Belichick continued for five minutes, detailing how the owner of a neighborhood bakery in Annapolis used to add a generous dollop of sour cream to his devil’s food cake batter. “For whatever reason,” he said, “you just don’t see that anymore.”

In some behind-the-scenes action in the press balcony, Christopher Price of WEEI.com said he had planned to write a “Ten Things We Learned Sunday” column about the wedding, but he could only come up with three. “One, the solitude of the Cape feels soothing this time of year,” Price said. “Two, Felger’s got great taste in color palettes. And three, Mazz is a bit of a crier.”

Greg A. Bedard left early because he had another invitation to a bigger, higher-profile wedding.

Tom E. Curran of CSNNE.com said that he believed the wedding was a hoax, a call for attention that shouldn’t be taken seriously. “I tweeted about this three days ago,” he said.

Though Felger wasn’t present for that statement, he seemed to agree.

“We figured there’d be a crowd of media here, because the Boston media is full of sheep. We wanted to make a statement, to get married around April 1st, because if we could accomplish that, we’d show you people where you stand. Like, ‘Hey, geniuses: we put one over on you. It’s all a big April Fool’s Day prank.’”

Felger continued. “This,” he said, holding up his hand to display a 1.5-carat, round brilliant cut diamond ring in tasteful white gold bezel, “is for show. It means nothing. You all got fooled, because you all rushed to make some story out of the only guys who speak truth to power in this town. This marriage is a hoax. Right, Mazz?”

Mazz nodded in agreement and looked down at his matching ring, tears welling up in his eyes.

  • bsmfan

    Wait, they didn’t get married at Fenway? The bill would have been funny and Josh Beckett could have been their flower girl.

    Great post!

    • http://www.facebook.com/michael.sutherland.90410 Michael Sutherland

      Maybe with the BBWAA serving as choir. Only I might choose Sean McAdam to preside instead of D&C. “Mazz, you may now slug Felger. Right in the mouth. Hard.”

  • Ryan

    This is great. I bet Mazz was the one that pulled for it to happen

  • http://twitter.com/EdRomero Ed Romero

    Remember when this site discussed sports and sports journalism?

    • dan

      Yes…now it’s just about how everyone here knows how to do a better radio show than the guy who’s actually on the radio getting the big ratings.

  • http://www.facebook.com/michael.sutherland.90410 Michael Sutherland

    Now this is hilarious. Well done!

  • http://twitter.com/EdRomero Ed Romero

    Start of baseball season with millions of season previews, Final 4 with a horrific injury and interesting discussions about what CBS should and shouldn’t show, 3 New England teams in the Frozen 4, Bruin and Celtics played last night — perfect time to post a juvenile piece on two annoying talking heads.

    • Bob Zupzic

      it’s april fools you old fart. mabe they’ll write a juvenile piece about you crying right now.

    • dan

      You know it’s not ok for Felger to make jokes but in 2013 it’s apparently still ok to use a gay marriage as some kind of insult towards to people he doesn’t like.

      • Kevin Romine

        If that’s what you took from this, then you are even more of a pathetic Felger suck-up than we ever dreamed possible. I guess you’re just not capable of appreciating nuanced satire which is not mean-spirited in the least, unlike the heart comments. You really are the worst of the worst on here. Nothing but a spamming troll.

        • http://www.facebook.com/michael.sutherland.90410 Michael Sutherland

          Well, I wouldn’t call this nuanced, but satire it certainly is.

  • Drella

    Well played Sir, well played

  • Freddie Rice

    Felger: “I’m the man”
    Mazz: “You’re absolutely right, Mike”

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