Felger, Mazz Married In Intimate Ceremony?

In a surprising move, sports media personalities Michael Felger and Tony Massarotti were married on Cape Cod yesterday afternoon. The co-hosts of 98.5 The Sports Hub’s “Felger and Mazz” got hitched at the Holy Redeemer Church in Chatham, Mass. during a clear, mild spring day.

Both grooms wore white tuxedos.

During the vows – which each groom wrote – Felger announced, “Tony, you march to the beat of your own drummer. You strike out on your own. You carve out your own niche and create your own path. You are not a company man.”

To which Mazz responded, “Yeah, Mike. You’re absolutely right,” and started crying.

In what most onlookers described as another surprise, New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick was invited to the ceremony.

“We never thought he’d be here, frankly,” Felger said afterward. “The invitation we sent to him was clearly a joke. I mean, get a clue, right?”

Belichick made a brief statement after the banquet festivities. “It’s just great to be here, great to be celebrating this moment with the guys. I really don’t have much more to say. I didn’t do much. I didn’t write the vows; I didn’t present the rings; I didn’t pick out the flowers. Beautiful flowers, by the way. But, again, it’s great to be here, to be a part of this event. Nice ceremony, nice music. Loved that cake, too.”

Sal Paolantonio of ESPN asked if Belichick knew what kind of cake it was, who baked it,  and if it had been properly prepared for the wedding.

“I just don’t know anything about that,” Belichick said. “That’s not for me to say. Not my cake. I’m not a baker. I’m sure you’ll get an update around the same time we do.”

Mike Reiss of ESPNBoston.com followed up by asking about some of the better cakes Belichick might remember from past years.

“I’ll tell you, Mike, some great cakes in Cleveland. They know how to bake out there. New York – that New York cheesecake – I mean, that’s not bad. They’re famous for that. But here, in the New England area – Vermont, probably New Hampshire, anywhere with a lot of those dairy farms – some great cakes, too. Can’t discount New England and what they’re able to do with cakes. Put some of that fresh buttercream frosting on there, you’re good to go.”

Belichick continued for five minutes, detailing how the owner of a neighborhood bakery in Annapolis used to add a generous dollop of sour cream to his devil’s food cake batter. “For whatever reason,” he said, “you just don’t see that anymore.”

In some behind-the-scenes action in the press balcony, Christopher Price of WEEI.com said he had planned to write a “Ten Things We Learned Sunday” column about the wedding, but he could only come up with three. “One, the solitude of the Cape feels soothing this time of year,” Price said. “Two, Felger’s got great taste in color palettes. And three, Mazz is a bit of a crier.”

Greg A. Bedard left early because he had another invitation to a bigger, higher-profile wedding.

Tom E. Curran of CSNNE.com said that he believed the wedding was a hoax, a call for attention that shouldn’t be taken seriously. “I tweeted about this three days ago,” he said.

Though Felger wasn’t present for that statement, he seemed to agree.

“We figured there’d be a crowd of media here, because the Boston media is full of sheep. We wanted to make a statement, to get married around April 1^st, because if we could accomplish that, we’d show you people where you stand. Like, ‘Hey, geniuses: we put one over on you. It’s all a big April Fool’s Day prank.’”

Felger continued. “This,” he said, holding up his hand to display a 1.5-carat, round brilliant cut diamond ring in tasteful white gold bezel, “is for show. It means nothing. You all got fooled, because you all rushed to make some story out of the only guys who speak truth to power in this town. This marriage is a hoax. Right, Mazz?”

Mazz nodded in agreement and looked down at his matching ring, tears welling up in his eyes.