Time For The Annoyed Rant

For some reason, I’m a foul mood today. Don’t know why.

It might be what passes for sports radio/TV in this town these days. Nothing but faux controversies and studio-gangsters talking tough. Here’s a partial list of things I’m not interested in these days:

I’m not interested in Dennis and Callahan talking about eating feces, sodomy or Callahan’s questions about why can’t we just blow up tornadoes with a laser.

I’m not interested in the Dennis and Callahan producer somehow trying to compare Rob Gronkowski with Larry Bird in terms of being a career disappointment.

If the Patriots win three Super Bowls and Gronk is a three-time MVP and a Hall of Famer, I won’t be disappointed.

I’m not interested in hearing Fred Toucher’s impression of Jaromír Jágr ever again, though I know I will.

I’m not interested in hearing Jon “Bonafides” Wallach get some basic sports fact wrong again.

I’m not interested in counting how many times Lou Merloni says “damn” in a 20-minute segment.

I’m not interested in Andy Gresh’s opinion that Rajon Rondo is the most hated athlete in Boston.

I’m not interested in Scott Zolak’s ham salad sandwiches and coffee that he got at Cumby’s on the way in.

I’m not interested in hearing how Mike Mutnansky can ramble his way into the next break. Example (Courtesy of Scott@PD):

Faced off with Salk, TC, there on NESN, went at it in the Twizzle, Celtics, rebuild, keep the core together, debated that thing, there on NESN, after the post-game show, great job done there on that, followed up with that debate, Salk wants to blow it up, couldn’t defend it, kicked his *ss there on NESN and had no problem doing it, want to mix that thing in there along with your Bruins, Red Sox calls, I see you lined up there, Steve in Fall River, Russ in Walpole, great callers. Ortiz, questions now, on something, see Shaughnessy in the Globe, asking the tough questions, agree, topic worth exploring Lou Merloni, Bruins, a little gamesmanship there on the faceoffs, getting the benefit of the doubt on those things, Michael Holley says now he doesn’t see the Bruins losing another game in this series, interesting, Holley, bold, I had the Bruins losing this series TC, we’ll explore that after this break.

Even so, I’m not interested in the prospect of Jessica Moran (though I like her on CSNNE) replacing Mutt.

I’m not interested in seeing how Dan Shaughnessy can make himself the story this week, and then take a victory lap on Gresh and Zo and on the weekend TV shows and any national outlet that will have him and promote him as the face of Boston sports.

I’m not interested in hearing how Mike Felger can blame Tom Brady for Peter King’s puff piece on him in this week’s MMQB.

I’m not interested in in hearing Tony Massarotti declare that everything SUCKS, unless it’s something that Felger came up with.

I’m not interested in Mike Salk try to “interpret” comments made by a guest such as Danny Ainge and then try to create some sort of story about a rift between Ainge and Doc Rivers. Or talk about how John Farrell really isn’t a clone of Terry Francona, and because of that, is he really any different than Bobby Valentine?

I’m not interested in Michael Holley floundering hopelessly as he tries to save his own job as he realizes that since Salk is Jeff Brown’s guy, Holley would be next out the door.

I’m not interested in anything Mike Adams has to say. (How many Mike’s are there on Boston radio, anyway?)

I’m not interested in hearing the Felger and Massarotti show repeated almost verbatim during the evenings on 98.5 by Adam Jones.

I’m not interested in hearing Larry Johnson tell everyone on the weekends how people like Dan Shaughnessy and Dennis and Callahan and everyone is doing such a great job.

I’m not interested in the Yankee-programming on that same show.

I’m not interested in Jen Royle’s tweets of herself in bed with her dog, and utilizing Butch Stearns as her new radio coach and mentor. Butch Stearns????

I’m not interested in yet another review of the 2009 season on the ESPN Boston Patriots blog.

I’m not interested in seeing the new guy at the Globe retweeting Mike Florio.

I’m not interested in hearing the Boston media fawn over John Tortorella while waiting hopefully for an explosion out of him.

I’m not interested in seeing how Chris Gasper can find creative ways to shoehorn $100 words into his column. Fustigated? Lugubrious?

/Rant over. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

  • Jules

    Great post! I wonder how many times Lou says “damn,” “you know,” and “really?” each hour. That would make for a potentially fatal drinking game.

  • Jon

    I’m not interested in Larry Bird’s rookie year recap.

    • ZolioV4

      You’re absolutely right, Jon! I like hot sport takez and hate research pieces too! Can we meet up in the food court some time?

  • bsmfan

    Scorching hot takes, Bruce! – Felger

    “You’re absolutely right, Mike!” – Mazz

  • bsmfan

    I’m not interested in hearing how Mike Felger can blame Tom Brady for Peter King’s puff piece on him in this week’s MMQB.
    ———-
    I thought this was hilarious when he did the rant yesterday.

    Look, it’s classic Felger on the rant and even he acknowledged that it had parameters, like any of those interviews with someone like Brady does. However, I thought he’d just ignore it or maybe pay it a minute of lip service, instead of devoting an entire segment to it.

    Also, I think Felger is smart enough to know the source. Do we really expect Peter King to be tough on anyone besides the paragraphs he devotes to berating the barista at Starbucks who prepared his Caffè Latte 3.2F degrees too warm? Or, him throwing a temper tantrum because he was called into the office at 5PM, and had to walk for 17 minutes because taking a cab to midtown would have taken longer?

  • john

    It is telling there is no mention of Bertrand. I see him as not only the best young guy but the best combination of entertainment and fun, responsible sports talk.

  • http://www.facebook.com/john.kelley.5203 John Kelley

    Don’t forget the “well listen” Merloni spits out every time he starts to speak.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pgilroy Patrick Gilroy

    just a suggestion. If you can get reception, give the new NBC station 1510 AM a listen. The morning show is local and a nice break from the usual morning crap……Afternoons are money, the diehards are hilarious and refreshing and Pete Sheppard from 3-6 is the same old Pete.

  • latetodinner

    I am not interested in instant analysis of OTA’s. I think that a rookie dropping a pass in an OTA in May is not news. However I am not sure I should blame the blogger or the person who seeks out that information because they feel it will give their fantasy team a competitive advantage.

  • http://twitter.com/saundep PS

    As someone who just last week filled out and mailed in an Arbitron diary, I couldn’t agree more with your comments Bruce. I also made notes in the back of the diary about the negativity and how certain hosts like to create faux controversy in an attempt to make themselves part of a story. Keep them honest Bruce!

  • city_dweller_38

    The best thing about your rant (and your web site) is that these useless, ‘Connecticut School of Broadcasting’ sports media hacks waddle over here like lemmings to be a party to their own bludgeoning. Nothing better than a media hack seeing the bat swung at their head.

  • http://twitter.com/BruceNV Bruce Newman

    And the knuckleheads on blogs? Who’s this Adam Hoffman/Kaufmann character on boston.com? A “pop culture” expert? What does he actually KNOW about sports?

    For a town that claims the “smahtest spohts fans in America”, there sure is a lot of crap in Boston Media.

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